Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The feeling are messing with the penis
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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