i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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