how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
