Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
