Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
not ubering you a puppy
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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