I am puke
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
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Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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