i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
