shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
someone owes me an orgasm
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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