can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
