If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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