I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
