woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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