i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
