The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
