Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
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