I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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