Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
