I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
