good thing vaginas are great cup holders
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
