his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.