Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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