Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.