i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?