I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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