the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We are two peas in an std pod
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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