I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
