FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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