rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
