everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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