Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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