I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
