you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
