Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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