Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
