Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
