Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
