Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
