Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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