Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My penis needs a shock collar
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
