Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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