is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
