so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
