nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
