I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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