he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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