you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
