I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
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apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo