Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.