I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
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I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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