stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
