I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
