when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
