I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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