Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
