If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
