She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
