He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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