if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
