yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
