My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
