for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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