I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
